Sometimes a little reflection is good for the soul. As I think back on the year behind, I realize much has changed. This has been the most difficult, yet most blessed year of my life. A year ago I was just on the beginning edge of a journey that I never could have foreseen with starting a school. I had let go of the security of the public school system, not having a clue how God was going to provide. I had no idea that He would turn my small vision of eight students two days per week in my home into fifty students, many of whom are full-time, and several teachers and classrooms. Sometimes we have to let go of what we have, in order to embrace what God has in store for us.
I also didn’t know a year ago that this would be the year of the most intense personal struggle I have experienced so far, and hopefully I will never have another to parallel or surpass it. Sometimes people, especially Christians, are tempted to sweep difficulties under the rug, either because they think that God will be shamed by their struggles, or because they think they’re “supposed” to grin and bear it for God’s sake. However, God can take care of His own reputation quite well. Not only that, but He actually gets greater glory when He can work through our weaknesses. I spent my whole 20-year Christian life trying to work hard to be the best I could, so that God could get the most glory possible out of my life. This year I finally realized, because I was desperate for God and incapable of opening and running a school in my own strength, or getting through a divorce in my own strength, that if I just let Him do it through me, He would do a much better job than I could have in all my best efforts. Resting in Him accomplishes so much more than working for Him ever can.
So this year has been a dichotomy of sorts, with great success and seemingly great failure running parallel. But I know the truth: God is great and He does great things with not-so-great people who are submitted to Him. While I would trade some of the circumstances of the past year, I wouldn’t trade the spiritual or emotional growth. I also wouldn’t trade the friends who have stuck by me, or the new ones I’ve made along the way.
God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
I am looking forward to the next year of the journey. I have a feeling it will be a good one, though it will likely hold some surprises and may not be easy. Whether it is smooth sailing or a bumpy ride, whether there is delight or despair, whether there is happiness or heartache, I know that God is able to supply all of my needs and get me through anything, and that is something to celebrate.